o hai!

it has been a bit of time since I updated this blog for real-reals. I am just not feeling the blog thing. the short blips for facebook twitter seems to be about all I can muster for now. I have not told you at length about Palm Springs, nor about Manchester. Have not told you about what is going on at work at length.

/* 2009 May 13 – I forgot about my post, ‘hope springs eternal‘ */

What parts of life I am enjoying, and what parts I am not, I am pretty much keeping to myself. Except, for those brief flashes on twitter. I have never really been that keen to, nor that good at, expressing myself at length. my life seems only interesting to me. [Heck, it struggles at times to seem interesting even to me.] I think I am struggling with a mid-life crisis, not so sure what direction to take my life next. I am finding less pleasure in some of the casual pursuits that entertained me in the past. I am finding more of my life regimented. While I enjoy going to the gym, I still go only when I have an appointment with the trainer. I have this need to escape, but cannot find that perfect place, either to be alone, to sit back and watch the crowd, or to meet new people. Even holding a conversation for any length of time, like I did in Manchester, made me feel antsy, an attitude I do not like in myself. I am becoming a curmudgeon. I am feeling lonely. that scares me. I want to have fun again, I want it to be simple, and I want to grow, not just grow old.

Life has not taken me to where I want to be at every step. I am grateful for the opportunities I have been given. I just question if I did not get myself lost but good.