breaking the 100 habit

I have been going to the gym for seven months. While I have progressed in being able to lift more weight, and am able to see and/or feel the development of muscle for the first time in my life, I have not been able to lose weight. I am still about 100kg, not much less than I started. While, at first, I may have kidded myself in that I would live an overall healthier life, except for the regular visits to the gym, that has broken down, for the most part.

To a certain degree, I have my weaknesses. One of them is ‘indulging’ in a diet which, while not centered around quantity, is equally not centered around the avoidance of comfort. Smaller, more regular meals is still a goal I seem not willing to attain. And, what I eat is not necessarily conducive to better health. Add to that the stress of the modern workplace, much of which seems self-imposed, and its ‘natural’ counter-balance, consumables for comfort. It is a recipe for defeat of a pretty good plan. An unhealthy social life of social not-working, and no real contact with real people for the sole purpose of being social only adds further cover to smother the flame. It is a wonder I have actually not gained weight.

I say to myself, ‘Self! You need to go to the gym more frequently, if for no other reason, to occupy yourself, and get out of the house more.’ I say to myself, ‘Self! You need a weekend away. Take the bus into NYC and stay the night.’ ‘Self! You need to get this work stuff done or get rid of it. You cannot vegetate over it.’ ‘Self! You need to get the train on its tracks, and keep it there.’ I talk to myself entirely too much. I do what I tell myself to do entirely too infrequently. I feel I cannot motivate myself. Never mind this feeling that forces beyond my control and immediately perception are distracting me more than what is within it. This kind of stress cannot be good for weight loss, as it strains and quashes motivation.

I would like to find the one trigger that is causing me not to lose weight. There has to be something that defined, simple, that causes me not to be motivated to lose my weight, to break my 100 habit. It is something that is not directly diet related. I will not kid myself that it will be easy to solve. I do not have the focus to find that trigger. Without a point of attack, I will never break the habit.