a life less planned

I wake weekday at 06h30. I go to work for 08h00. I have lunch at 11h30. I leave work at 17h00. I have regular meetings. To take vacation, I need to plan the days well enough in advance. Every five weeks, I am on-call for off-hours IT support. I get paid every other week on a Thursday. Three times a week, I go to the gym, which I must schedule up to two weeks in advance to get a time conducive to my continued employment. I must pay my bills by a specific date of the month. My car needs regularly schedule maintenance. On top of all of that, I usually have a routine by which I conduct my off-hours. Usually, this involves a fair amount of social not-wokring at specific sites, depending on the day of week and my mood.

This routine, I believe, has resulted in weekends that are, at best semi-dull. I cannot just go to the shore, go to the casino, make a day trip into Philadelphia, or a weekend trip into NYC. This is about equal parts lack of incentive to really do anything fun, ‘considering’ the schedule for things I will be doing or need to do, and whether the money and time spent in maing fun happen is spent well. [i.e. will I really have fun?] I have no place to just ‘hang out’ for an afternoon or evening, just to be social and sociable in real life, to meet people for real, to meet real people. While, I will admit, I am seeking more order at work, I have come to the conclusion that I have too much order, obligation, regimentation, schedule and/or plan in my life. Now that I feel I am getting my social legs under me, really for the first time in my life, I have less incentive to have fun. As I lose the fear of doing things ‘because I will not be socially accepted while doing them,’ I feel a loss of incentive to do them because either ‘its time is past’ or, worse yet, ‘my time is past.’ More and more, I am getting bored trying to have fun, and that is because, I feel, I am no longer feel the spontaneity which allowed me to get over my fears and have fun. Things are just too well planned for me, and I do not like it.