where the heart is not

I have never really liked living in the ‘greater Lehigh Valley, PA’. It was always a small region, living in the shadows of two large cities, and never really having anything that interested me. Traveling made me imagine that I could live in this or that city, largely becuase it was more interesting than where I live. Basically, I escaped by traveling, living a ‘life’ while away.

This weekend, though, I came to the conclusion, thinking back at all the places I visited, all the neighborhoods I was in, all the culture, the shopping, the nightlife, et al, that, maybe, just maybe, I would be just as bored living in those other cities as I am here. Why? I always suspected that I get bored easily, and have a difficult time trying to entertain myself. I am a person who needs stimulus. I get bored at work if I intellect or curiosity is not engaged. I am bored at the nightclub if by I have no one with whom to chat and no one who ‘interests’ me. I have been bored on vacation when I ran out of things I knew I wanted to do. TV and movies that invoke emotion over intellect disinterest me. Reading is much too passive for me. I cannot drive to the mall anymore to ‘shop’ and be entertained. Even the Interwebs, the WWWs, which you do not have to use, sometimes lacks the engagement stimulus I need, yet offers a boatload of unneccesary distraction. The gym, thankfully, has been physically engaging, as well as visually entertaining.

I always knew it was simple, but not easy, to entertain me. I always hoped against hope that I could overcome that, somehow. I am now resigned, in my advancing years, to ‘bear this cross’ myself. Without a strong social network in real life, and with only a fleeting one on the Interwebs, I have little choice. I must entertain myself as best as I can.