I am starting to see daylight in one of my work projects. Is it the end of the tunnel, or on-coming freight carriage. Another project has a defined end. A third’s completion postponed until June. After that? Could the end of the tunnel be a drop off a side of a cliff. 

Sometimes, I believe I react to emotionally to challenge. I want to do things right, but do not fancy myself to ‘get it right.’ I fear ‘pushing my limits’ will ‘push me over the edge.’ When I do leg squats at the gym, I am afraid to lower my tail to the point I cannot get back up. At work, I am always afraid that the project will be received poorly, or that I will forget a detail that is critical. In social settings, I am always afraid that people will find out ‘who I really am.’  It is all about feeling I am not ‘good enough’ for something. 

As I get older, less and less do I care what others think. This has offered its degree of success in situations. Also, the occasional affirmation helps. Still, I wear my pride as it it were a pair of denims that just may slip from the hip, exposing me for me. It is like, if the denims drop and ‘me’ saw daylight, I would be exposed as insufficient, and get burned in the process. 

Speaking of which, I should think about planning for Fort Lauderdale in December again. Some things could use some exposure to daylight. Maybe I need some of the same exposure in September. I also need to get to the gym one or two more days a week more consistently.