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relationship disoriented

05.09.08 | Comment?

I believe I have discovered the reason why, approaching my 42d birthday, I am still single and largely unsocial. It is not something of which I am proud. It may though be indicative of the way my life has turned. The realization happened at work.

I have one project on my plate. The problem I am now having with this project probably can be summed this way - I am poor at interpersonal relationships. I assume too much from others. I expect them to know what I know. When asked questions, I tend not to be either clear or forward with the answers. I tend to like asking questions more than being asked them. I am impatient. I tend not to exert myself properly, since I rarely know what limits I have. I try escaping from confrontation. I speak as much, if not more, from emotion than intelligence. I would much rather do for myself than depend on others to do. I tend not to be a proper listener. I may expect answers from my own narrative, taken from my own experience. I also tend to impose on others, yet get angry when being imposed upon. I tend to project too much pressure on myself.

Add to that my wont for shying away from those who are too aggressive, forward or emotionally forth-coming, my lack of desire ‘to interrupt’ or ‘enter a conversation without invitation,’ my tendency to be aloof, and my inability to hold a conversation without provocation, and my disdain for even the appearance I ‘need’ to maintain a conversation, it is amazing anyone wants to even be associated with me. 

To my credit, I have become to overcome some of those thing in my more regular interactions. It takes some time for me to warm up to someone, but, I do. Still, I am where I am because of my relationships with others, and that is largely because of my inability to manage a relationship, even on the simplest, most platonic, or most business-like level. 

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